mamabealadventures

mamabealadventures
My reflections on Grandmother Beal;
When a person dies you always examine your relationship to that person. It is hard when you have not had the kind of relationship with the deceased person you would like to have had.
When we were at the funeral in Seattle I got a few more puzzle pieces to understand grandmother. A phychologist in their ward said grandmother had The Queen syndrome. That means she deigns that you can be in her presence or speak to her. I have many times in the past said that having grandmother for a visit was like having The queen Mother visiting. When you had a conversation with grandmother it was not a coversation, but an interview. She as ked the questions and you answered. Sometimes if you succeeded in asking her a question, she would have very pat answers for you. She did not like getting questions she did not have ready answers for. She loved to talk about her, but as far as I know she never did any genealogic research. She had some stories she told about her ancestors, but if you went outside her parameters, she would become dumb.
Virginia was a very intelligent woman. She loved to read and travel. But somehow all the knowledge she gained, she was not able to transfer into action or meaningful contributions. She was one of those people where she felt that ifmshe was the overdog she would treat you awful, but if she felt like she was the underdog she would bow and scrape. She was a snob and a hyopcrite. Her husband and Richard always tried to be nice to her, which she persived as having the upper hand, and consequently their relation ships were not always very good. I have only one time stood up to her, and after that I couldn't do anything wrong. I only wish I had done it much earlier in our relationship. The reason I didn't is that I don't like having that kind of relationship with anyone.
The other puzzle piece I found in Seattle was that in a conversation with her visiting teacher, she said it was like Virginia was two people. I have felt that often. We could have a pleasant enough "conversation" and if you happened to say a wrong word, it was like a switch was turned on and she turned in to another person, usually a nasty one. After you have tried that a few times you become cautious, and watch very carefully what you say. She had great difficulty making decisions and it could be very embarrasing to go shopping with her when she would take several hours to make up her mind about a purchase. She also could not handle complicated tasks. she definitely could not multitask, and soon when she would ask the obligatory question what can I do to help the answer would be: Why don't you just sit and talk to me while I am fixing dinner. She much preferred to sit in the front room. she did not seem to have a very good concept of time and what needed to be done. Like when richard had his surgery, and I came home after a whole day at the hospital, she would say: Now why don't you come and sit in the front room and tell me all about it. Well that would have been nice if I had a maid to cook and look after the children. but I had to fix dinner for the children and see to their needs as well, so could we transfere this to the kitchen while I also take care of my children.
I never liked to tell her my inner feelings or anything intimate, because you never knew when she would throw it back at you when she went in to her nasty personality.
She had funny ways of doing things. She painted the walls but painted around the furniture. she made drapes but hung them up with safety pins. Most of the sewing she did was never completely finished. I think she was only capable of doing one task at a time. I presume there was a time when she could.
They did not have family prayer in richards home and after witnesing one such exception I could see why. Virginia gave a very long prayer and it was so hypocritical.